China on Monday stepped up its criticism of the U.S.-led
airstrikes against Libya, using the Communist Party’s main media organs to say the military intervention undermines the United Nations charter. Members receive much heftier retirement packages than most private-sector employees and state workers do. Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm, or if your usual copy has stopped arrivingA RIGHT OLD NANI STATESomewhere in Old Trafford, a punch’s throw from the Sir Alex Ferguson statue and beneath the Sir Alex Ferguson Stand, there is the Sir Alex Ferguson puddle, a still-swelling expanse of hot salty tears spilled by the sobbing former Big Cup participant himself. Last night’s elimination by Real Madrid was harder than a horse burger for the Scot to digest, with the perceived
injustice of Nani’s red card
leaving him too “distraught” to even attend the post-match press conference.”He’s in no fit state to talk to the referee about the decision,” explained his stoic underling, Mike Phelan. “It speaks volumes that I am sat here and not the manager of this fantastic football club,” added Phelan, brazenly intimating that Ferguson had bottled it and is no longer suitable to lead United. There was everyone slagging off the Special One for seemingly trying to ingratiate himself with Old Trafford fans and power-brokers with a view to future employment when sly old Phelan was staging a subtle coup. Or maybe he wasn’t and the Fiver’s got it all wrong. Yes, that must be it.So anyway, Ferg’s weeping. The realisation that during 20 years of dominance in the most monied league on the planet he has won just two Big Cups surely pains and embarrasses the Scot, as must the knowledge that the latest blow to his reign came from someone possibly eyeing his throne like some sort of Portuguese Prince Charles, but one who has already won the same number of Big Cups as him in half the time.Ferguson’s dismay at Nani’s expulsion is also surely understandable, as, of course, was
the decision of referee Cuneyt Cakir. “We have no problem with him,” confirmed a Uefa mandarin today between belches. “There are no issues for us regarding the sending off and we will wait for the official reports of the match delegate and the referee’s observer, as is procedure. If they raise concerns then we will act.”
Many United fans have raised concerns, of course, including one roaring poltroon who rang 999 to report the official’s ‘crime’ to Nottingham police. The 18-year-old man has since apologised for his supreme idiocy and explained that he got “caught up in the excitement”. And for being a supreme idiot.LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHTJoin Daniel Harris from 6.45pm for live MBM coverage of Juventus 2-1 Queen’s Celtic (5-1 agg) and Paul Doyle at the same time for PSG 1-1 Valencia (3-2 agg).QUOTE
OF THE DAY”I noticed the lady at the side of the road – she seemed very disorientated and distressed.
I asked if she was OK and she said she was lost. I rang my colleagues and asked if they could contact the police. When we met with them she had a nice cup of tea and thankfully the police were able to return her home safely. I’m just happy I was able to help her” – Wales boss Chris Coleman reveals how he came to the aid of a missing woman in Haverfordwest. Though let’s not forget this – nor this.FIVER LETTERS”Can I be one of the many to thank Adrian Chiles on ITV for reading out the rule on dangerous play extremely eloquently and then clearly ignoring the fact that it does not contain ‘intent’.
Touché to Gareth Southgate and Lee Dixon (who really should know better) for towing the party line and disregarding the rule too. A doff of the cap to them all” – Noble Francis.”It seemed to me that Brian Ross-Meering’s letter of today was missing a link to the posters in question.
Since I’m certain a number of Fiver readers will write in to point this out, I have gone to the immense trouble of tracking them down on their behalf” – Ben Mimmack [We’ll leave this one to Ernest Tubb – Fiver Ed].”Far be it from me to suggest that the Fiver Ed has been scraping the bottom of the (Half Man Half) Biscuit barrel by referring to their Dukla Prague away strip wearing cousin, when clearly the poor chap must be a Teenage Armchair Honved Fan?” – Nick Redfern.• Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. Also, if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. And to placate certain readers, the Fiver awards prizeless Fiver letter o’ the day to: Ben Mimmack.JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATESWe keep trying to point out the utter futility of advertising an online dating service “for interesting people” in the Fiver to the naive folk who run Guardian Soulmates, but they still aren’t having any of it. So here you go – sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly romantics who would never dream of going out with you.BITS AND BOBSWest Ham’s former Liverpool midfielder Joe Cole admits he only agreed to take £100,000 a week to play for a club he didn’t care about in a city that felt alien to him because he didn’t want to be considered a mercenary. Hmm … “I can only play for teams that I’m passionate about and I think that’s what went wrong for me at Liverpool,” he sobbed. “I didn’t feel a connection with the club or the place. Spurs was probably the best option because they were offering me a five-year deal and it meant I could stay in familiar surroundings.
But I just couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t see myself pulling that Spurs shirt over my head.”Leyton
Orient chairman Barry Hearn has launched proceedings for a judicial review over the decision to allow West Ham to seek sole tenancy rights to the Olympic Stadium. “We don’t intend to interfere with West Ham’s residency at the stadium, but maintain the position that if they are going to be there, then we need to be there too,” blubbed Hearn.Jürgen
Klopp doesn’t want Dortmund’s Big Cup adventure to end after they swept Shakhtar Donetsk aside to reach the last eight. “This is an extraordinary moment for us,” he roared.
“Those left are all tough opponents and there are no lucky draws left here.”Barça’s VÃctor Valdés has been banned for four matches by La Liga suits for the red card he received for telling the referee that he “cr@pped himself” during Barcelona’s clásico defeat.RECOMMENDED
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Want a pure gold model of Leo Messi’s left foot? Then it’s lucky you read today’s Fiver. Oh, and then there’s this …STILL WANT MORE?José Mourinho summoned Luka Modric from the bench almost as quickly as Lord Ferg barged his kitman out of the way after Nani’s red card. And it’s why Real won, explains tactics troubleshooter Michael Cox.The sight of Wayne Rooney picking splinters out of his backside as Cristiano Ronaldo gallivanted round his old stomping ground, showed the growing chasm in the elite career-paths of the former team-mates, reckons Barney Ronay.A PSG triumph in Big Cup against Valencia may remove that big question mark hovering above Carlo Ancelotti’s head after a recent dip in form, writes Paul Doyle.United fans used to love Roy Keane for his obdurateness and his perception of
himself as a Cork Hercules. Now United fans seem to hate Roy Keane for his obdurateness and his perception of himself as a Cork Hercules, notes Rob Bagchi.And, in moments of extreme boredom, the Fiver often asks itself: which clubs have names in a non-native language? Today the Knowledge is on hand to answer that question.SIGN
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PAUL BEARERPaul Doyleguardian.co.uk © 2013 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds Despite a guilty plea, military prosecutors decided to proceed with a court-martial that could result in a sentence of life without parole for Pfc. Bradley Manning. Attracting bats to your back yard may help keep the mosquito and bug population down while you help a mammal species